In February of 1961, four Black freshmen students at the Agricultural and Technical college walk up to a lunch counter at a Woolworth’s in Greensboro, NC. They politely order donuts and coffee. The waitress refuses to serve them.
Instead of leaving, the four students take seats at the counter.
For the next four days, more Black students dressed in their best clothes—pressed suits and starched dresses—show up at the Woolworth lunch counter and order food that never comes while White segregationists heckle and harass them.
Within two weeks, students in eleven different cities are staging sit-ins at lunch counters. By April, seventy-five cities. These activists and students follow certain protocols: “Do show yourself friendly on the counter at all times. Do sit straight always and face the counter. Don’t strike back if attacked. Don’t curse.”
Easier said then done. People who participate in these sit-ins have plenty to be scared of. Some have lit cigarettes put out on their arms, salt and pepper thrown in their eyes, mustard dumped on their heads. Racial epithets and insults are hurled at them.
Participants are told: “To protect the skull, fold the hands over the head. To prevent disfigurement of the face, bring the elbows together in front of the eyes.”
You’ve no doubt read and studied about these sit-ins and other non-violent protests during America’s civil rights movement. But’s what lesser known is that these demonstrators didn’t just show courage in these difficult moments.
They practiced and rehearsed it beforehand, thanks to trainings led by one of the architect’s of the movement, James Lawson.
James Lawson, a Methodist minister, colleague and friend of Dr. King’s, traveled to India in the 1950s to learn non-violent resistance from Gandhi. When Lawson later moved to Nashville in the ’60s, Lawson held workshops to train protesters.
He taught participants that managing fear is a critical part of demonstrating courage. It’s not the absence of fear; rather, it’s the knowledge of how to act in the moment.
Through role playing, Lawson taught participants to anticipate how to respond.
These exercises helped students resist the urge to run away or fight back.
In addition to role playing, Lawson taught them the power of mental rehearsal, seeing themselves handling the situation—if X happens, I’ll do Y—using non-violence, even when they felt so outraged it must have hurt.
Lawson helped them see how mental rehearsal can quiet the anxiety and nervousness that can cloud your mind and judgment in a tough moment.
These same approaches are helpful hacks for your fear around speaking your mind, finding your voice, and other forms of courageous communication.
That’s a topic we’ll be exploring in a FREE, in-person workshop I’m hosting in Elmhurst (315 E. St. Charles Rd.) on Saturday, Dec. 9 from 10 AM-12 PM—The Courageous Communicator: Find Your Voice, Speak Your Mind, and Inspire Others.
Someone I interviewed recently told me that as she approaches retirement, one of her biggest regrets is not speaking up for herself and other women over the span of her 30-year career as a partner in an accounting firm when men made misogynistic comments or demeaning jokes at the expense of women.
Or maybe you’ve felt like Joe, a bright, thirty-something high school technology teacher who has a dream but is struggling to make it a reality. “There’s so much cool information in technology,” he told me, “that I would love to share at conferences.” But Joe confided to me that in formal settings like that he experiences feelings of dread: extreme butterflies, nervousness to the point of panicking, and irrational thoughts like, “Where am I going to stand?” Or “Is my shirt tucked in?”
And then there’s Siobhan who works in the medical field, easily talking with patients and parents all day long. But when it comes to saying something in front of her colleagues, she feels like “a deer in the headlights.”
One of my favorite vocal coaches to the stars, Roger Love, calls these repeated feelings of anxiety the “elements of non-surprise.”
He says,“You let these feelings surprise you over and over again even though they happen every time. You react as if you’re out of control, helpless, without recognizing the regular way these things manifest under pressure.”
“So,” he advises, “you need to notice what regularly happens and then find a solution to the physical and mental patterns that cause distress and silence you.”
Finding solutions to un-tapping your authentic voice, speaking your truth, and overcoming nerves are some of the topics we’ll be addressing at the workshop! No matter where you are on your courageous communication journey, there will be something for you to learn and practice in a fun and safe environment.
Hope to see you there!
Jenny
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