Patty and I recently chatted across her table on her back patio as she told me about being a female partner at a prestigious accounting firm in Chicago, and she had something on her mind.
Patty is very successful, especially for a woman in a male-dominated industry.
“Almost every industry is male-dominated,” she interjected, “so there’s really no need to make the distinction.”
Point taken.
Patty agreed to meet with me in person to answer my survey entitled “How to be an Amazing Speaker.”
As we went through the survey together, the answer she gave that really got my attention was her response to:
What are your biggest challenges when it comes to using your voice?
She turned away momentarily, adjusted her sunglasses, then looked me in the eye and said, “Here I am about to retire. I see the younger women in the organization now coming up the ranks. Then I look around at all the men, and, honestly, there’s still such a lack of progress that men have made when it comes to how they treat women.”
Patty continued…
“So one of my biggest challenges—and regrets—is that I wish I would have had the courage and know-how to speak up during all that ‘bro-talk,’ when someone said something inappropriate, biased, or exclusionary to women and minorities, which was pretty often.”
Patty wasn’t the only one who had regrets or wished they had the courage and communication skills to speak up.
Some of you felt the same way.
While attitudes about public speaking tended to fall more in the category of “All eyes on me freaks me out,” or “It fills me with dread,” a small number of you don’t mind it, especially when you’ve had time to prepare.
But one common issue for almost everyone is the challenge of speaking up and feeling confident in impromptu or off-the-cuff speaking situations.
One person told me, “After I leave a meeting or conversation, I’m great at coming up with the perfect thing I should have said. Where was that when I needed it?”
In honor of the Paris Olympics, there’s a French phrase for that phenomenon: “Esprit de L’escalier.” It literally means “wit of the staircase,” the witty remark or retort that comes to you on the stairs leading away from the gathering.
Been there. Done that.
Here’s some other things I heard when it comes to extemporaneous speaking:
- I turn red or my voice catches in my throat.
- I worry about what I’m going to say next so I stop listening to others.
- I ramble and get off track.
- I’m afraid of offending someone.
- I think that people are judging me.
- I get intimidated by the other people in the room.
- I feel like people are able to speak over me and I don’t show enough confidence.
- I don’t know how to control my emotions.
- I stay quiet because I don’t want to cause a problem.
- I’m afraid someone will ask me a question I won’t know the answer to.
Sound familiar?
So, I decided to offer a FREE interactive workshop on IMPROMPTU SPEAKING on Tuesday, August 13 from 11 AM-12:30 PM (CDT) on Zoom.
At the workshop, you’ll learn:
- This three-word phrase to “jump” into any conversation;
- Three misconceptions associated with impromptu speaking and how to overcome them;
- An organizational blueprint to use in any impromptu speaking situation.
During the workshop you can expect an overview of the topic, interactive activities and discussion, and a time to connect with others.
Can’t make the meeting? Register anyway, and I’ll send you a recording.
As I sit on my front porch this morning writing this, there is a little mouse scurrying below me in the flower beds.
That little mouse holds the secret to a vital communication tool. In your first attempts at courageous speech, like impromptu speaking, maybe you want to roar like a lion. Instead, what might come out is only a little squeak.
But poet David Whyte reassuringly notes “A mouse sound heard is an indication of the voice coming out of hiding, though it may still be fearful. That mouse sound is an essential part of our nature, an indicator of our hopes and dreams.”
That little peep is your first courageous step indicating that you have more to say, and having “heard the mouse, you can learn how to coax your mouse out of hiding.”
Want to know how to coax your voice out of hiding during impromptu speaking situations? Join me Aug. 13!
Hope to see you then.
Jenny
P.S. Speaking of mice, please don’t use poison to kill mice. Sadly, it is also likely to kill whatever eats the mouse!
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